Ropes and Spoons
by Kaija West
Summary: Seth and Ryan get the house to themselves for the weekend. (slash)
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Not mine, no money made.  
  
Note: This story is slash. You have been warned. Takes place early in the first season. **************************************************************************** ****************  
  
"Hey! Why aren't you up yet? Come on, man. Place to ourselves, nothing to do all day but get into trouble. Okay, no, well, probably not. More like a little PlayStation, swimming and hanging out by the pool, but you know, if we REALLY wanted to we could even move very quickly through the house holding sharp, pointed objects like scissors. Come on, Ryan, get up already. Time to wreak havoc cause there's no parental units in sight."  
  
Seth's excited speech crammed in more words per minute than Ryan could process, but then that wasn't really all that unusual. It wasn't that Ryan thought slowly, at least not usually, it was just that Seth had an amazing (and maybe admirable) ability to deliver all his thoughts rapid fire, and probably without a whole lot of censoring. Ryan suspected this was a large part of the reason why Seth was something of a Newport social outcast, at least with his peers anyway.  
  
On the other hand, Ryan had to admit it was refreshing to listen to someone who spoke his mind, just let his cards fall where they may. He wished he could be that free with the way he spoke, after all it wasn't like he had to worry about getting slapped in the mouth for saying the wrong thing anymore. Still, he was always careful about what he said, both out of habit and by a conscious effort. The last thing he wanted to do was open his mouth and say the wrong thing and have the Cohens regretting their decision to have him stay. He wondered how many times he'd have to hear Seth or Sandy or even Kirsten tell him he wasn't going to be kicked out or left behind before he'd actually start to believe it. Probably many more. In the mean time he'd watch what he said as best he could. While he kept screwing up with his actions, maybe he could at least say the right thing, or just manage to not say the wrong thing.  
  
Today however, he just wanted to say nothing. It wasn't that he didn't want to hang with Seth. Actually, he'd been looking forward to having the place to themselves ever since Sandy had mentioned the trip he and Kirsten would be taking for a couple days. It wasn't that he didn't want them around, heck he was just a glorified party crasher in their house, in their lives, but Ryan had really been looking forward to a whole day of hanging out with Seth. A day without worrying about offending his new "guardians", or making a mistake with the girl next door, or trying to avoid fights with jealous water polo playing boyfriends, or going to some fancy social event where he felt like it was just a matter of time before he'd say something wrong, or do something wrong and everybody would be reminded, yet again, that he didn't belong, that he was probably just some poor interloper charity case of a caring public defender.  
  
So, yeah, he had been looking forward to a whole day of hanging out, no pressure, just having fun. That was until he had awoken at 5:30 that morning with a stuffed up nose, sick stomach and a head crammed full of cotton balls. To top it all off, he also had a nasty sore throat, hence his not wanting to talk or even get out of bed though it was already 11 o'clock.  
  
"Yeab, be ub in a minid," Ryan said painfully, his throat feeling like it was caving in on itself while on fire.  
  
"Whoa, dude. When did you get sick?" asked Seth, coming in from the doorway and over to the bed in the middle of the pool house. Seth never could figure how Ryan slept in there with it so bright. The room was like four walls of glass interrupted by the occasional wooden support. Okay, there wasn't THAT much glass but the windows were floor length and there weren't any curtains. It was nearly as light in there as outside in the bright California sunshine.  
  
Ryan usually got up around the same time as Seth and wandered into the main house where they grabbed some breakfast, in front of the t.v. more often than not, especially if his mom wasn't around. So today Seth had grabbed some cereal, milk, a couple bowls and spoons and headed for the t.v. and PlayStation. He'd decided to get in some "warm up" time since Ryan hadn't come in yet. An hour and a half later Ryan still hadn't shown up and Seth had decided to just go wake him up.  
  
But when he heard the stuffed up, barely recognizable speech rasping out from beneath the blankets he'd realized what the problem was right away. He felt a small twinge of guilt that he was relieved that Ryan was sick and not just avoiding him. While he didn't want Ryan to be feeling ill, Seth knew it was just a matter of time before Ryan would realize that he'd befriended a loser. As much as Seth loved spending time with Ryan, he always felt a little anxious because he knew someday, and probably soon if past experiences were any indication, he'd lose his new friend to so-called cooler, more popular people. He tried not to dwell on it, but when Ryan eventually ditched him, as Seth truly believed he would, he knew it would hurt more than losing anyone ever before.  
  
Ryan wasn't just some passing pal who just happened to not notice he was Newport's social outcast. He was so much more to Seth. He could swear Ryan really liked him and wanted to hang with him. He'd certainly proved his loyalty, coming to Seth's rescue on the beach that night, but Seth just knew it wouldn't last forever. Nobody could care enough to stay his friend, especially when there were so many alternatives, more popular alternatives. But for today he knew Ryan hadn't decided to ditch him, not just yet, and for this he was secretly very, very grateful.  
  
"I'm nob sick. I'm ogay," Ryan protested. The coughing fit that followed the statement pretty much proved it was a lie.  
  
'Whoa,' thought Seth. 'That congested voice damn near made it sound like he said he was gay. Or maybe I'm just hearing it that way. Cause, yeah, jeez, it's not like you desperately want him to be or anything. Oh, no, that can't be it at all. Not you, you want Summer, a girl who can't even remember your name. Oh God, I even THINK with sarcasm.'  
  
Dropping the thought, knowing that it was just some kind of messed up wishful thinking, Seth said, "Um, yeah, right. That's not exactly a smoker's cough now is it?"  
  
Ryan finally emerged from the pile of blankets. Or rather, more accurately, he popped his head out of the top like some demented ground hog. If he hadn't looked so pathetically adorable Seth would have busted up laughing. Ryan's hair was standing on end and pointing in just about every direction but down like it normally did. His eyes were bloodshot red and while Ryan wasn't exactly tanned, his skin had taken on a decidedly unhealthy color. Seth didn't want to say it was green exactly but in the bright sunlight of the room Ryan certainly wasn't looking like the picture of a healthy California teen.  
  
While the spiky mess that used to be hair was very amusing, it was the ridiculously sad puppy expression in the bloodshot eyes that kept Seth from laughing out loud. He wondered if Ryan knew the effect that expression had on people. He suspected not since he'd yet to find a instance of Ryan looking like that on purpose. It was probably something he couldn't help anymore than Seth could stop his nervous rambling. Still, if Ryan had any clue how weak in the knees that look made him, that it made him want to hold Ryan in his arms and kiss all his pain away ... well, if Ryan had any clue of the effect then he certainly didn't let on.  
  
'It's just you, Seth,' he thought. 'Being the stupid little fairy Luke always accuses you of being. The poor guy is laying there, probably feeling like crap, and all you can do is stand there staring at him like a big dork and wonder how his eyes can both break your heart with their sadness and make you horny at the same time. Come on, dude, he's practically your brother now. Start thinking of him like that.'  
  
"You should, uh, come in the house. We've got like a whole pile of medications. You know what they say, cold pills and Captain Crunch, it's the breakfast of champions," Seth said, gently bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.  
  
Ryan didn't want cold pills and he really didn't want cereal either. He definitely didn't want to give his already upset stomach any ammunition to use against him. 'Cause what says thanks for taking me in quite like throwing up on the expensive rug in the main house,' thought Ryan. His actions always had a way of causing more problems for him so, wherever possible, he did all he could to avoid problems. He tried to avoid Luke and he tried to act like the Cohen's must expect him to at all the social functions to avoid embarrassing them. Right now, avoiding putting anything in his stomach seemed like the best way to avoid any later actions that might cause problems.  
  
'Just like you're going to avoid getting too close to Seth,' thought Ryan. 'Cause if barfing on your guardian's rug is bad then wanting to make-out with their son must be ... Well, you're just not going to do that, no matter how badly you want to. Besides, even if you do get vibes from him occasionally (distinctly non-brother type vibes), he might just as likely be straight. Think of all the times you've listened to him drool over that undeserving Summer girl. Stupid chick, doesn't know how lucky she is to have him want her. I guess it's better anyway. Just think how much harder it would be to think of Seth like a brother if he seemed to want you that way. Now, just behave yourself, go inside and try not to toss your cookies on the rug.'  
  
Internal pep talk finished, Ryan dragged himself from the warm, cozy bed and stood up a little too quickly. He found himself feeling like he'd had too many beers when the world began to half spin and he felt his stomach roll in a very threatening manner. Suddenly Seth was there, holding him upright, his arms tightly wrapped around him, his body all too close.  
  
Ryan had been on the receiving end of many hugs from Seth. He swore that Seth's propensity for hugging would probably be his undoing. But at that moment all Ryan could think was he'd never felt someone hold him like that before, never like they'd keep the world and all it's problems away even if it was only for the moment. He was almost overwhelmed. Another part of his mind made the observation that Seth was a lot stronger than he looked.  
  
"Hey, hey, are you alright, man? I thought you were going to take a face plant into the floor. Good thing we weren't by the pool. I mean, I know CPR and all but, uh ..." Seth brought his rambling to a screeching halt when the implication of his words hit him.  
  
Reluctant to let go, Ryan finally pushed away from his human support. Seth was starting to sound uncomfortable and he'd stiffened up just about the same time he'd stopped talking. Maybe hugs were okay but the guy wasn't really comfortable with more extended contact.  
  
'Maybe he's just figured you out,' thought Ryan. 'Maybe he knows what you want and he's just trying to be polite and brotherly and is afraid you'll start drooling all over him or something.'  
  
"I'm ogay now. I juz stood ub a liddle to fasd," Ryan said, feeling very much aware of his goofy sounding, cold-induced speech.  
  
"Cool, but, I'm walking on the pool side just in case, okay?" Seth said smiling and hoping his tone was light enough that Ryan wouldn't suspect anything. He was also hoping madly that Ryan wouldn't notice the blush he knew must be on his cheeks. This wasn't going to be an easy day.  
  
****************  
  
I'll try to post the next chapter tomorrow night. 


	2. chapter 2

Disclaimer: I still don't own them and I make no money.  
  
Note: This story is slash. You have been warned. Takes place early in the first season.  
  
With that out of the way, on with chapter 2.  
  
********************************************************  
  
"Okay, explain to me again why you don't want to take these," Seth said holding some packages of cold pills out to Ryan.  
  
"I jus' don' take dem. I don' know, I don' really trus dem," Ryan said, voice sounding somewhat clearer than it was when he'd been in bed.  
  
Despite his always-accelerated speech, Seth had patience to spare. This was especially the case when it came to kids and, well, apparently Ryan when he was acting like a kid. "Ooookay. WHY don't you trust them?"  
  
Ryan was starting to feel really stupid. He didn't really want to tell Seth about his Mom's views of stuff like that. But the ideas were ingrained in him and he really did have a general mistrust of pills in general. To avoid embarrassing himself yet again by showing off how different his childhood was than Seth's, Ryan decided to just take the pills.  
  
"Alrighd, whig do I take?"  
  
"You take the blue pill the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill you stay in wonderland, and we see just how deep the rabbit hole goes." Off Ryan's confused look Seth dropped his Matrix inspired descriptions and continued. "Red ones during the day and blue, well I guess it's actually more green, you take those at night or if you don't mind being knocked out for a few hours. So, Neo, which will it be?"  
  
Ryan gave Seth a half smile before grabbing the box of red pills and taking a couple.  
  
"Haven't you ever taken this stuff before?" Seth asked as they made their way into the living room.  
  
"Uh, no, nod really," Ryan admitted as they plopped down on the sofa.  
  
"Movie?" Seth asked.  
  
"Yeah, whadever you want," Ryan said. He was very relieved Seth didn't suggest video games because his head already felt like it was going to explode. Somehow he doubted watching the flickering images on the screen (probably of his character getting HIS head blown up by Seth's character) wouldn't help matters any.  
  
"Why not?" Seth asked as he started flipping through the DVDs.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Why haven't you taken cold pills before? Don't tell me you were one of those kids that like, never got sick or something. Perfect attendance and all that."  
  
"No, I definidely wasn' one of those kids."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Well, my Mom, she doesn' really believe in that stuff. She said thad, um, sometimes crazy people poison those things ad the store," Ryan explained looking at a random spot on the wall. He knew it would sound really stupid to Seth but it was hard for Ryan to just let go of everything he was taught, even the things he'd always known probably weren't true.  
  
"Oh," Seth said. "Well, you know, they have these like, safety seals and stuff. I mean, you know, it COULD happen but the drug store we go to looks pretty nice, pretty, um, clean."  
  
"Yeah," Ryan said. Ryan wanted to tell Seth that where he lived the stores weren't very nice and they certainly weren't clean. He wanted to tell him that his mom might just have always told him that because she didn't want to spend the money on that stuff, that she'd rather save it to buy booze or something for her newest boyfriend. But he didn't say it, any of it. Ryan got the distinct feeling that even though Seth probably had no idea of these things, he'd just accept that there was more to it this time than Ryan said and leave it at that.  
  
"Okay," Seth said. He knew if Ryan wanted to say more he would. For now maybe what he needed was to not have to say anything. Seth couldn't imagine how hard it must be to try to leave everything behind, even if what was left behind was as bad as Ryan had intimated. "So," he held up two movies. "What are you in the mood for? Hotties in bikinis surfing or blood, gore and violence?"  
  
**************  
  
It was the slightest sensation that woke him. Almost a tickling feeling but in a good way, not like an itch you had to scratch. Just a slight feeling like the way a strong breeze played across his hair when he used to sleep with the window open. Of course that was before they moved into the really bad area and he had to sleep with the windows closed, locked, and, in one house they'd lived in briefly, boarded up. Ryan had always loved that feeling, loved the feel of the breeze ghosting across his hair. It always felt like home, before home became just another four-letter word to him.  
  
Still mostly asleep, Ryan relaxed and let out a soft sigh of contentment. Becoming more aware of his surroundings as he slowly woke up, he realized that the source of the wonderful feeling was somebody gently stroking his hair. For a moment that realization didn't bother him, after all the feeling kept telling him he was home and he was safe. But the more he thought about it something wasn't right because there must have to be somebody on the other end of the hand that was gently petting him like a beloved cat. That meant somebody was near him when he was sleeping and he knew from experience that a gentle hand didn't often stay that way. The fine line between teasing and abuse wasn't always that clear, especially in Chino.  
  
When he felt Ryan move a bit, Seth yanked his hand away faster than if he'd touched a burning log in a beach fire. 'Okay, dude, just relax. He was asleep, he has no idea you were doing that. And hey, even if he does it's not THAT weird, right? I mean brother's can do that sort of thing, right? Not that you really have any basis of comparison. It's like a comfort thing, not a sex thing so there's nothing wrong with it. But if there's nothing wrong with it then why are you afraid he's going to get pissed?'  
  
"Um, hey," Seth said as Ryan sat up. He watched as Ryan blinked a few times, eyelids still heavy. He watched him look down and see that he was covered with a throw and had been sleeping against a throw pillow leaned against Seth's leg. It was almost funny how slowly he seemed to be figuring things out. Seth thought if he listened hard enough he just might be able to hear the gears cranking. "You okay, man?"  
  
Ryan wasn't really sure what to make of this. He remembered sitting on the sofa to watch a movie. Somehow he'd managed to not only fall asleep but to do it before the opening credits were done. 'Red pills. Didn't Seth say those were for during the day?' Seth must have grabbed him a blanket and a little pillow. 'Probably got tired of you drooling all over his leg,' Ryan thought. He had to give his head a little shake as he reconsidered the wording. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said, sniffling a little at the end.  
  
"You sound a little better. But you kinda look like crap. I mean no offense, Ryan, but you better hope Marissa doesn't come over or anything cause right now you know, you look like-"  
  
"Like I'm sick?" Ryan said in a tone that definitely bordered on snarky. Thankfully, Seth didn't seem to notice.  
  
"Yeah. But I guess she's not likely to come over. I mean it's not like she's ever come over just to like, borrow a cup of sugar or whatever before."  
  
Ryan knew there was a joke in there somewhere about him giving her sugar if she came over looking for it but he didn't bother. Marissa was just about the last thing he wanted to think about and definitely the last thing he wanted to talk about. The ball was in her court for the moment and he was determined to let her come to him when and if she was ready. Or, at least, that was how he felt right then. On the other hand if he wasn't feeling (and according to Seth looking) like crap then maybe he'd have a different attitude toward the whole thing.  
  
Right now the only thing he could think of (other than that he could feel a big sneeze just itching its way out of his nose) was that it wasn't Marissa's hand that had been stroking his hair just a minute ago.  
  
"So," Seth began, pulling Ryan from his thoughts. "I guess you didn't like Tomb Raider." Seth pointed at the screen where the closing credits were playing.  
  
"Sorry, man. I think it was those pills you gave me *cough*."  
  
"Yeah, I don't know, maybe. So, um, you feeling any better?" Seth asked.  
  
'I felt a lot better when you were stroking my hair,' thought Ryan. He certainly didn't say it aloud. Maybe he'd imagined it. After all he was feeling sort of out of it. Maybe he'd just been dreaming or something. 'Why would Seth do that anyway?' he thought.  
  
"Ryan? Hey, um, hello in there?" Seth said not sure if he should be amused or worried that Ryan kept getting lost in his head right now. 'As long as those thoughts aren't about me and my stupid wandering hand earlier then it's all fine.'  
  
"Yeah, no, ... uh, what was the question again?" Ryan said.  
  
"Ooookay. Now you're getting a little bit weird on me, man. Let's go outside and hang by the pool," Seth said getting up and waiting for Ryan to follow him. He was pretty sure Ryan wasn't upset about the hand in his hair thing. Unfortunately he was starting to think maybe Ryan was really getting sick. 


	3. chapter 3

Disclaimer: I still don't own them and I make no money.  
  
Note: This story is slash. You have been warned. Takes place early in the first season.  
  
With that out of the way, on with chapter 3. It's a shorty.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****************  
  
They wasted the rest of the day doing not much of anything. Ryan had indeed got sicker as the day progressed and by early evening he was crashed out in his bed in the pool house.  
  
"Look, Seth, why don't you *sniffle* go out or something. You don't have to *cough* stay with me you know."  
  
"Um, right, that's a good idea. I'll go call my big group of popular friends and go hang out. Oh, wait, that's right I don't HAVE a big group of popular friends to hang out with. Besides WE were gonna hang out all weekend, remember?"  
  
"Yeah, but this wasn't *cough* what you had in mind now was it?" Ryan said with a wave around him. He was indicating all the used tissues balled up on the floor near the bed and himself sitting in the middle of the bed looking totally miserable. Ryan let out a huge sneeze and that caused a chain reaction of several coughs then another only slightly less powerful sneeze. When he was finally finished (for the moment anyway) he mournfully looked over to Seth who was sitting on the chair nearby.  
  
Ryan looked just adorably pathetic. There was no better term Seth could come up with for it. Sad puppy expression, nose all red, hair still looking like an angry porcupine, Ryan had never looked more like he needed someone there for him. Except for when his Mom left after the casino night fiasco. Or that time he'd come back to the Cohen home after his place had been empty. Or that time... 'Huh,' thought Seth. 'I guess he looks like he needs people a lot. I wonder if he knows that? Maybe that's why he HAS that look. Like it just draws people to him. I wonder if he looked at my Dad like that, if that's what made him bring Ryan home.'  
  
Seth was pulled from his thoughts when Ryan started coughing again. When he finally stopped, red faced and worn out looking Seth had an idea. "I'm gonna to grab some stuff from the house. Just stay here, okay?" he asked Ryan. He got only a nod in response from Ryan who was still trying to catch his breath.  
  
After Seth left Ryan flopped back on the bed, lying on his back. He was starting to feel really weird about the way Seth refused to leave his side. It didn't normally bother him. He really liked having Seth around. His life had been so weird lately, so many changes. Somehow having Seth by his side, well, it had been the constant he had needed. And it wasn't just having somebody, it was Seth in particular. In the short time they'd known each other they'd become closer than Ryan had even been with his own brother Trey. And he was definitely having a lot of thoughts lately that were of the non-fraternal variety.  
  
But right now Ryan just wanted Seth to leave him alone. His patience was wearing thin and he felt horrible, worse now than earlier and he really didn't want to snap at Seth for just being Seth. Ryan really wasn't used to having someone around when he was sick. His mother sure hadn't been one of stick around when he was having a problem.  
  
He really didn't want to take it out on Seth. He'd been so nice to him all day. It was just a little too much right now. 'Okay, you don't want to tell him off and hurt his feelings so you really don't want him around right now. How are you going to fix this?'  
  
******************  
  
In the house Seth stood in the bathroom trying to figure if this would work. He had a plan and it wasn't going to be subtle. Just a few hours ago he'd been nearly panicking at the idea that Ryan had caught him stroking his hair. Now this was a lot more... 'intimate' his mind screamed the word. 'Admit it, this is pretty forward. But hey, you do have an excuse of sorts. If it goes really wrong you can just deny everything. Ryan seems pretty out of it, he'd probably believe it was his mistake, his confusion. Oh, God, what am I thinking? This is a really stupid idea. And yet I can't stop myself. Hmm, this must be what it's like to be like everyone else that lives around here. Huh. I wonder if it's something in the Newport water?'  
  
Seth grabbed a couple things and headed back to the pool house. 


	4. chapter 4

Disclaimer: I still don't own them and I make no money.  
  
Note: This story is slash. You have been warned. Takes place early in the first season. Thanks to my reviewers BlueStarGirl and umlautless – you two rock!  
  
On with chapter 4.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************** "Check it out, instant coma in a bottle," Seth said holding up a bottle of thick, teal liquid as he entered the pool house. Ryan eyed it suspiciously for a moment before he started sneezing again. After a half a dozen rapid sneezes in a row he held his hands up motioning for Seth to toss him the bottle. Seth tossed him the bottle, which he managed to not quite catch and that just pissed Ryan off way more than it should have. Slugging back the vile stuff Ryan coughed and nearly gagged in surprise.  
  
"Yuck! Why didn't you warn me, Seth? That's awful," Ryan said grimacing. He was suddenly reminded of the time when he was 7 and he'd accidentally drank from his mom's glass. He'd thought it was cola but it must have been about 90% alcohol. He nearly choked then wound up spitting it all over the table. That was the only time he didn't get in trouble for spilling something or making a mess since they were too busy laughing at him to care.  
  
"Yeah, it's always bad isn't it?" Seth asked. "Oh, wait, don't tell me you managed to make it to the ripe old age of 16 without discovering the wonders of Nyquil?"  
  
Ryan responded with a shy half smile.  
  
"Oh, right the whole poisoning thing. Sorry. I guess I should have told you how nasty it is. Well, on the plus side you are now T minus about 15 minutes and counting till the coma hits."  
  
"Coma?"  
  
"The Nyquil coma, man. It's like the only way to sleep when you're sick and it kicks in really fast."  
  
Ryan wasn't about to argue since he could swear he was already starting to feel it. It kind of reminded him of the time Trey had convinced him to do whiskey shots on an empty stomach. Well, before he'd thrown up anyway.  
  
A few minutes later Ryan was lying on the bed with a look on his face that bordered on blissful. Seth was having an increasingly hard time staying in the chair. He knew he really didn't need to get on the bed with Ryan but he just couldn't help but feel like if he didn't he'd be passing up a perfect opportunity. He'd planned it, made up what he thought was a pretty damn good excuse and Ryan looked like he'd be cool with it. In fact, if he didn't know better, which of course he did, he'd swear Ryan had been checking him out for the past few minutes. There was just something about the way he kept glancing over, looking at Seth through lowered lashes. It wasn't exactly a "come hither" look but it sure seemed damn close to Seth from where he was sitting.  
  
'Okay, dude. It's show time. Remember it's worth a shot,' Seth told himself.  
  
"So Ryan," Seth began, his voice a lot more steady than his heartbeat. Ryan snapped his around and his slightly glazed eyes locked onto Seth. "I grabbed some Vicks stuff when I was in the house. Do you want to uh, or, or do you want me to um..."  
  
Ryan just gave him a slightly confused expression but trusting nod as well. Seth plopped down to sit on the bed beside where Ryan was lying.  
  
"So, yeah, you gotta take of your shirt." Seth said.  
  
Ryan slowly sat up, yanked off his wife beater then flopped back bonelessly on the bed.  
  
'Yeah, well, he's the ONLY one who's boneless here,' Seth thought as he shifted position. Yup, the second that shirt came off that was it. Seth was seriously starting to wonder if maybe he shouldn't do this.  
  
Offering the container to Ryan, Seth asked, "Do you want to...?"  
  
When Ryan didn't move to take it Seth silently cheered. 'Oh this is too perfect. I can't believe he's letting me do this. God, the way he's looking at me ... it's just so ... yeah, wow.'  
  
Seth rubbed some of the eucalyptus scented stuff on his hands then slowly began running them over Ryan upper chest. 'This is SO awesome! He feels so great. So hot. Better then I'd have ever imagined. Of course this would be easier if I could straddle him but, oh man, that's just, whoa! Down boy!' Seth continued his inner chattering, gently running his hands from Ryan's neck down his chest.  
  
Ryan couldn't believe what was happening. He wasn't sure what was in that Nyquil stuff but he just couldn't help wonder how it could be legal. 'How can I go from wanting Seth to leave me alone so I can curl up and die cause of this stupid cold to THIS? His hands are amazing. I guess all that sailing really gives you strong hands. Oh, that feels so good,' Ryan thought.  
  
He could feel Seth's hands gentle massaging his chest. As his nose finally cleared Ryan inhaled deeply in pleasure. Seth's gentle strokes went from his neck down his chest over and over again. Ryan couldn't remember another time he was touched when it felt better than this. He looked up into Seth's face.  
  
Seth worked his way back up Ryan's firm chest and when he reached his neck he noticed he was being watched. The look of trust and pleasure made him stop. If he was always amazed by Ryan's puppy dog expression then the effect of this look was nearly paralyzing. 'How could anyone look at ME like that?' Seth thought. Then he stopped thinking.  
  
Seth leaned over and kissed Ryan. It was soft at first but deepened quickly. All too soon it was over and Seth felt himself pulling away for air, looking at Ryan, still too close.  
  
"Um, I, I'm, uh, sorry I just, and I kinda, then..." Seth stammered sitting up quickly, putting a bit of distance between himself and Ryan.  
  
"Don't do that again," Ryan warned, looking up at him.  
  
Seth moved to get off the bed. He was about to run out of the pool house and maybe into oncoming traffic, if he could find any nearby. Ryan sat up, grabbed his wrist and stopped him.  
  
"Germs, Seth. I don't want you getting sick too," Ryan said sincerely.  
  
"Okay, you know what? Can you not scare a guy like that? I mean I thought you meant you didn't want me to like ever do that again. Do you? Do you want me to do that again? I mean, you know, when you're not all, um, bleck. I mean not that you're bleck or anything, far from it. But you, when your not feeling all-" Seth cut himself off. He'd gone past the point of being embarrassed and straight into mortified. Plus, he knew if he could just shut up for like five seconds he might just get an answer. Judging by the look on Ryan's face Seth suspected he just might like the answer.  
  
"Yeah, I want you to do that again. I want you-" Ryan stopped mid-sentence letting it hang there. It was true but he felt so strange saying it. He'd spent so much time keeping himself from saying it, from saying anything. He'd tried so hard to keep from doing something like that. But Seth had done it. It wasn't what Ryan expected and it made his head spin. Of course that could have also been the Nyquil but he suspected that wasn't it. It was so strange. He hadn't done anything or said anything but here they were, having kissed Seth in his bed. By not doing anything or saying anything Ryan realized he might just have got himself in more trouble than he could handle.  
  
"Okay, if you're cool with that then why do you have that, "I'm seriously afraid this could blow up in my face look"?"  
  
"Seth," Ryan began, only vaguely aware that he'd changed from clutching Seth's wrist to running his hand up and down his arm. "I just ... your parents-"  
  
"Aren't here," Seth filled in.  
  
"I know but, when they get back," Ryan sighed and closed his eyes for a moment trying to collect his thoughts. After a moment he opened them again and looked into Seth's nervous face.  
  
Ryan reached out, and pulled Seth to him, locking him in a deep kiss. A surprised squeek from Seth soon turned into moan and Ryan would have smiled except his lips were otherwise occupied.  
  
Breaking away Seth took a deep breath before saying, "I thought you told me not to do that, germs and all that."  
  
"I did. Maybe I just wanted to lead," Ryan said with a half smile. "Plus whatever I've got, I'm pretty sure you've got it too by now, since we've been together all day."  
  
"Oh, well in that case," Seth said as he leaned forward. Ryan did the same and they found themselves yet again joined at the lips. It lasted longer this time and now Seth was certain he'd end up with Ryan's cold, considering how much time their tongues had spent on each other's mouths. 'Oh, but it's SO worth it,' Seth thought. He let his hands roam over Ryan's back and shoulders as he held him close.  
  
When they finished he ducked his head, hiding his smile. "So, um, is this always going to be some kind of a competition thing with us?"  
  
"Do you want it to be?" Ryan asked, a teasing half smile playing on his lips. Then he completely killed the make-out, flirty mood they had going by letting out a huge sneeze followed by several deep, nasty sounding coughs. Sniffling, Ryan gave Seth a sheepish look and apologized. "Sorry. What do you say we put this on hold for now?"  
  
"Sounds like a plan. So, um, can I sleep in here tonight?" Seth asked hopefully. 'Wow, go me. I'm just all about the forwardness tonight,' he thought.  
  
Ryan scooted over and made room for Seth in the bed.  
  
"Okay, give me a minute to get changed and stuff," Seth said as he ducked out of the pool house. He was happily bouncing along when he realized what had just happened. 'Oh my God. That was amazing. I gotta go tell Ry- Oh, no wait, heh. I don't have to tell him. Wow.'  
  
He went into the main house, a huge smile on his face and his mind going a mile a minute.  
  
By the time Seth returned to the pool house Ryan was dozing. Hearing the door open Ryan perked up enough to mumble, "Seth, can up turn down the air before you come to bed?"  
  
"Yeah, sure thing," Seth said heading back outside. For some strange reason the air conditioning adjustments had to be made from the outside of the pool house. 'Probably wasn't meant to have somebody living in it all the time,' Seth thought. As he walked around the side of the building he couldn't help but think how cool it was to hear Ryan so casually say, "before you come to bed." 'Man he's so cool with this. Wait, am I cool with this? Hmm. Yup. Well, THAT was a hard decision.'  
  
Seth reached for the dial to fix the air when he noticed that it wasn't even turned on. He headed back into the pool house.  
  
"You fix the air?" Ryan asked lazily as he rolled over to watch Seth come over to the bed from behind half lowered lids.  
  
"Wasn't even on, man. It's not exactly cold in here you know. It's really, kinda stuffy," Seth said just then realizing the temperature in the room.  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm freezing over here," Ryan said in almost whiney tone.  
  
"I think we can fix that," Seth said, his voice full of new-found confidence. He got into bed beside Ryan then nudged him to roll over so his back was to him. Seth yanked up the sheets and curled around Ryan. He could feel him shivering, feel Ryan's strong back muscles flexing with each shake. Seth moved a hand up to feel Ryan's forehead and wasn't surprised how by how hot it was.  
  
"I think you've got a fever, Ryan. Just go to sleep and if you don't feel better in the morning we'll go to the doctor's."  
  
"No, can't go there. Can't do that, Seth," Ryan mumbled sleepily. He cuddled into Seth's warm arms. He felt comfy and safe snuggled in his warm human blanket. Seth. His Seth. HIS Seth. Ryan thought how liked the sound of that as he drifted off to sleep. 


	5. chapter 5

Disclaimer: I still don't own them and I make no $. Still a slash story – actually this chapter is more slashy than the others – you've been warned.  
  
Reviewers: You guys rock my socks! (  
  
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Seth woke up to a very new sensation. Okay, so it wasn't exactly like he'd never had a wet dream before but he certainly hadn't ever woken up in the middle of one before. 'And come to think of it I've never felt someone else pressing back,' he thought. Realizing just what he was doing and who he was doing it with, Seth found himself unable (not to mention totally unwilling) to stop.  
  
Ryan was pressed up against him, actually had his arm wrapped around, holding Seth close and they were rocking together, their erections rubbing through their shorts. Seth wondered how long they'd been doing this while he'd been asleep. Looking at Ryan's face in the moonlight Seth was amazed and pretty sure Ryan was still asleep. His eyes were squeezed closed and he was sweating just a bit. He was breathing fast in little pants and when he made one particularly dead on thrust Seth pushed back hard and came with a strangled yelp. Ryan wasn't far behind and after a few more thrusts he finished with a deep groan that Seth instantly decided was the sexiest noise he'd ever heard, an honor previously held by Summer when she'd sang solo in grade school choir.  
  
He felt Ryan snuggle up against him, still breathing a little hard from the orgasm and what sounded like congestion from his cold.  
  
"Mmm, love you, Seth,' he heard Ryan murmur.  
  
"I um, I think I love you too," Seth whispered back though he knew Ryan was still asleep.  
  
*************  
  
Seth woke up in the morning when his pillow started bouncing. There was this terrible dog barking too, and it sounded very loud, very close. Suddenly his pillow was yanked out from under him. He opened his eyes to see Ryan sitting up and just about hacking his lungs out. He sat up and began rubbing Ryan's back. He kept doing that until the fit subsided and Ryan sank back onto the bed. He looked totally exhausted and not at all like someone who'd slept last night.  
  
Seth curled up against Ryan, his head resting on his shoulder as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do. 'Hmm, something seems wrong here. Wait a second...' he thought.  
  
Seth jerked away from Ryan and was off the bed in about half a second.  
  
"What? What's the matter," Ryan said, his voice deep and rough from all the coughing. He looked worried.  
  
"Um, yeah, okay, see this is the part where I have to wrap my brain around what's going on here. Not really used to waking up with somebody else. Especially not a guy somebody else."  
  
"Whoa, relax, Seth," Ryan said soothingly. "It's not like *sniff sniff* we had sex or something. Look, if you've changed you mind that's fine. *cough cough* We can just make like we never kissed or *sniffle* slept in the same bed or whatever."  
  
Pacing back and forward around the bed Seth was trying to figure what to say, figure what he felt. When Ryan started coughing again he said, "I'm going to grab you some more pills from the house. Back in a few."  
  
When Seth flew out the door, Ryan sighed deeply. Well, he tried to anyway but that just made him start coughing again. He definitely felt a lot worse today than yesterday. What he couldn't figure was if that was because of the cold or Seth's reaction to them waking up together.  
  
Ryan clearly remembered Seth making the first move last night. But maybe he'd changed his mind since. Ryan had tried to sound as cool about it as he could but after the dream he'd had last night about having sex with Seth he knew he'd have a damn hard time (no pun intended) just being brothers, or friends, or whatever they were.  
  
That didn't mean he wouldn't try though, if that was what Seth really wanted. Ryan decided when Seth came back he'd have to get some answers. 'That's assuming he comes back. What if you scared him off? What if he leaves? What of you go look for him and there's nothing but an empty house and a note on the kitchen counter? Okay, no, relax, man. He has to come back. Yeah, but not until his parents get home and then just to kick your sorry ass out.'  
  
Ryan continued to worry as he lay in bed coughing and sneezing.  
  
Meanwhile, in the main house, Seth was trying to figure out just what part of this was bothering him. 'The kissing was fine. No, scratch that, it was amazing. The fact that it was Ryan? Nope that was kick ass too. And it wasn't like he'd just gone along for the ride. He'd initiated too. Okay, so, yeah, that part was good too. Last night had been, well, it had been amazing. Although Seth wasn't really sure what to tell Ryan about their little middle of the night... 'What do you all that anyway? It wasn't exactly sex, but there was two people and we both came so...'  
  
Seth sighed aloud as he grabbed some stuff from the cupboard. So why was he not all happy about the situation? Each part seemed cool but something about it was bothering him.  
  
'Okay, what have I missed here? Oh, right, the fact that in the space of one day I went from quiet, almost denied lusting to sleeping with Ryan. What about Summer? What about girls? What about- '  
  
Seth's rapid thoughts were interrupted when Ryan came charging into the kitchen only to skid to a stop nearly slamming into the counter. It was a move Seth would expect from himself but not from Ryan. It was almost amusing the way he had to slam on the brakes at the last moment if not for the fact that he saw a look of terror on Ryan's face.  
  
"Oh, you're here," Ryan said sounding very relieved. He was out of breath and looked like he was about to pass out.  
  
"Yeah, fancy that. Me here standing in the kitchen. Pretty wacky stuff, huh? What's the matter, Ryan?"  
  
Ryan shakily sunk into one of the chairs still looking riled. "Um, nothing. I just *cough* got worried."  
  
"I wasn't gone that long. What is it?" Seth asked.  
  
Ryan looked like he was about to answer when the look of panic returned to his face and he jumped up from the chair and went tearing into the hallway. Before Seth made it two steps out of the kitchen he heard the bathroom door slam shut then the very recognizable sounds of someone puking.  
  
'Okay, ew. Now what am I supposed to do?' he thought. 'Where the hell is my mom when I need her. Oh, no, I did NOT just think that. Okay, just call them, that's why they leave a number when they go away.' 


	6. chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own them and I make no money. The story is still slash – you've been plenty warned about that.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Later they were back in the pool house and Ryan was back in bed. Seth was back to pacing around (actually doing laps around the bed) but he wasn't about to bolt now. Ryan really looked sick and Seth was getting worried. He didn't like the way Ryan kept sweating and shivering.  
  
"I think we should go to the doctor's or something," Seth said.  
  
"No," Ryan said sounding for all the world like stubborn a two year old not getting his way.  
  
"But I don't know what to do here, man. This is kind of a mom thing, you know? I mean I don't know when you're sick enough that you have to go get stuff," Seth tried to explain.  
  
"Well I do," Ryan said. He was starting to feel really cold again and he really wanted Seth to just get back into bed again. But, considering his reaction earlier when they'd woken up, Ryan wasn't about to suggest it. Still, he knew he'd feel a lot better if he had a nice, warm person to curl up with. 'Not just a nice warm person, a nice warm Seth. Admit it, you wouldn't trust anyone else here when you were sleeping.'  
  
He'd freaked out a bit earlier. While waiting he'd managed to convince himself that Seth wasn't going to come back. Even now it seemed stupid but for some reason at the time he'd just been totally sure that Seth was going to leave and he'd be on his own again. Now he wanted Seth in his bed to keep him warm, but also so he could feel him there, to reassure him that he wasn't alone.  
  
"Okay so you're telling me you'll know if you're that sick? You'll know if you need to go to the doctor?" Seth asked.  
  
"Yeah, that's what I'm saying." Ryan sighed. "Will you sit down *cough*? You're making me sick walking *sniffle* around like that."  
  
"I'm sorry, dude," Seth said as he plopped down to sit on the end of Ryan's bed. He quickly noticed how Ryan's shivering was shaking the bed slightly. "Um, do you, uh, want me to..." He pointed at the empty spot beside Ryan.  
  
"Do you mind?" Ryan asked.  
  
'Do I mind?' Seth thought as he tossed off his shoes and climbed in beside Ryan. 'No, this is just about the most comfortable place in the world.'  
  
"Thanks," Ryan said softly. He snuggled up to Seth right away not giving him a chance to change his mind.  
  
"Look, about earlier ... I'm sorry I took off. I just, I dunno, I kinda got a bit weirded out. Like I'm not all used to waking up with somebody, you know?"  
  
"Yeah, so you said. Me either," Ryan said, trying to keep some very dark memories at bay.  
  
"Yeah, so it wasn't like I didn't like it. I just, I had to think about it or something."  
  
"Look, Seth, you don't have to *sniff sniff* be freaked out by this, okay. It's not that strange and like I said we *cough cough* can just forget about what happened last night. *sniffle*"  
  
Seth knew Ryan was referring to the kissing. But he remembered what had happened later, even if Ryan didn't. What's more he knew there was no way he could ever forget that. He wasn't even sure he could live without it now. It was amazing and hot and even if Ryan didn't know about it Seth still felt like they had really shared something. 'No wonder he can be cool about this - he doesn't remember what happened since he was still asleep.'  
  
"No, Ryan, I don't want to forget about it. I just had to think, you know? Hey, wait a second, why did you come into the house like that?"  
  
"What? I was just, uh, wondering *cough* what was going on," Ryan lied, trying to play it cool.  
  
"Riiiight. That's why you came in looking like you'd been chased by Ringwraiths," Seth said, not at all convinced.  
  
Ryan sighed. He didn't really want to admit what he'd been thinking earlier but figured he should tell Seth. If he didn't he might just end up receiving some of Seth's good natured teasing about it and that would really bother him considering the real reason for his actions.  
  
"You remember when I went back to my mom's place? Before I came back here?" Ryan said softly.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well 'member how I said she *cough cough* wasn't there and all the stuff was gone?"  
  
"Uh-huh," Seth said. He knew Ryan was serious right now and even if he wasn't sure where he was going with this, Seth could tell it was hard for him to say. He started gently rubbing Ryan's stomach, his hand under the wife beater.  
  
"When I went in there," Ryan said, his voice barely above a whisper, "it was so empty. It's like everything was just gone. *cough cough* All the good and all the bad. There was just nothing but this note on the counter and sometimes I just, *sniffle* I get scared it's going to happen again. Like I'll walk into the house and you'll be gone and your parents will be gone and it'll just be me and another note in the kitchen. *cough* I-I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't stand losing you. *sniff* I kept thinking about it and I guess I got a little bent out of shape and by the time I got in there I was..."  
  
"A little freaked out?" Seth supplied when Ryan let it hang there.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Okay, so we're even then. We both had our little mini freak-out and I assume we're none the less manly for it, right?"  
  
Ryan grinned. 'Only Seth can make things okay like that,' he thought.  
  
"Yeah," Ryan agreed before shivering again. Although Seth was warming him up but he still felt a bit cold.  
  
Seth maneuvered himself so that he was laying half on top of Ryan. It put his leg in what would have been an interesting contact position if not for the fact that he wasn't trying to get frisky at the moment.  
  
With his head nestled under Ryan's chin Seth asked, "Is this better or am I too heavy like this?"  
  
"No, you're amazing," Ryan said before he realized he'd said it. His human blanket was coming in quite handy lately. "You're so hot."  
  
"Um, thanks," Seth said, not totally sure if that was a compliment or if Ryan was just enjoying the body heat. "But actually you're a lot hotter. And I don't mean just the whole wife beater look. Seriously, Ryan, you've got to be running a fever cause laying on you is like laying on hot sand on the beach."  
  
Ryan took a moment to digest this. He noticed the compliment squeezed in there, maybe without Seth even realizing it. He knew he must be feverish otherwise he wouldn't feel this cold. 'Stupid, sick, weird feelings,' he thought.  
  
"You'll tell me if I have to take you to the doctor's, right?"  
  
"Yeah," Ryan said, his hand absently playing with one of Seth's curls.  
  
"Wait, you're not just saying that, are you? You're not one of those people that's afraid to go to the doctor's are you?"  
  
"No, not really. Just can't afford to go if it's not an emergency," Ryan explained. His head was really starting to buzz.  
  
"You know, Ryan, that's not a problem anymore. The whole having guardians thing comes complete with benefits: health, dental and the occasional weekend off."  
  
"Huh, yeah, I guess. *sniff* When I was a kid, when I used to live with my mom, she wouldn't take me to the doctor. She *cough"* said we couldn't afford it and that they'd just charge us extra cause they *sniff sniff* knew we couldn't afford it. Every time I got sick she wouldn't come near me cause she said there was no point in her getting sick too."  
  
"Wow, that really must have sucked, man," Seth said. He remembered how his mom always took the day off work to stay with him when he got sick. He thought some time soon he'd have to get her flowers for being such a good mom (even if he often made claims to the contrary).  
  
"One time, when I was nine, I got really sick. I kept telling her I thought something was wrong with me but she just *sniff * kept shouting through the door that I was fine and to quit whining. *cough cough* Her boyfriend back then, Craig, he took me to Emergency and I had to stay in the hospital for three days. Um, I had pneumonia and it was pretty bad. Craig was really nice, he liked me and he stayed with me. When I got home mom didn't talk to me for a week. *sniffle* I know she was just mad at herself, but for years, *cough* I thought she was mad at me."  
  
Seth was at a loss for words for perhaps the first time in his life. He lifted his head from its resting spot on Ryan's chest. Looking into those sad, red rimmed, eyes he felt himself want nothing more than to protect Ryan from ever being hurt like that again. 'And how stupid is that. You can't even take care of yourself. Ryan's the one that protects YOU from people.'  
  
Seth leaned up and gently kissed Ryan on the lips. It was quick and sweet and chaste but somehow Ryan felt it was the most amazing thing anyone had ever done for him. It meant more than Sandy bringing him here. It meant more than Kirsten changing her mind and opening her home to him. It meant more than Seth accepting him as a brother and friend. It was Seth accepting him for everything he was, for everything he'd been, everything he'd survived. He'd never felt as unconditionally loved before in his life. But Ryan drifted into feverish sleep before he could tell Seth any of this. 


	7. chapter 7

Disclaimer: SO not mine and there's no $ made.  
  
*******************  
  
When Ryan woke up later that day Seth wasn't in bed with him anymore. Looking around the room, Ryan couldn't see him anywhere.  
  
"Seth? You here?" he asked the empty room, his voice rough. Rolling out of bed he was pleased to discover that he was feeling a lot better than before. He still felt sick but he was sure he didn't have a temperature now and his head was a lot clearer.  
  
Entering the main house Ryan found Seth in his customary place at the counter hunched over something he was looking at intently. As he walked closer, Ryan was surprised to see instead of a comic book Seth was looking at a high school yearbook. It was open to a page with several pictures, all taken by amateurs, but Ryan noticed the one of Marissa and Summer sitting together for the impromptu shot. It was a very real snapshot of life and he suddenly wished he had a photo of him and Seth like that.  
  
Seth turned from the book and looked at Ryan very seriously. "I still want her, man."  
  
"Okay," Ryan said. He didn't expect Seth to say anything different.  
  
"So, that's okay then? I mean, you're cool with that?" Seth asked surprised.  
  
"Sure. Why not?"  
  
"Um, no, yeah, that's-that's fine. Just so we're clear on it," Seth said. He hadn't expected Ryan to be alright with it. He always got the impression that Ryan didn't like Summer or, at least, he didn't like Seth's obsession with her. "So, hey, you're looking better."  
  
"Yeah, feeling a lot better," Ryan said. He glanced back down at the yearbook, smiling at the picture.  
  
Seth let out an irritated sigh and got up, meaning to walk around Ryan. He met with a wall of human muscle that wasn't going to let him by.  
  
"Out with it. What's the problem *sniff* here?"  
  
"Nothing, man. Just let me by." When Ryan stared him down and didn't move out of the way Seth said, irritated, "What, are you practicing your bouncer act now?"  
  
Ryan stepped aside shaking his head a bit. Seth walked into the living room and plunked down on the floor in front of the couch. Ryan followed but stood nearby, arms crossed staring at Seth. The look almost worked if not for the occasional sniffle which made him seem significantly less intimidating.  
  
Seth looked at the blank t.v. screen as he spoke, effectively avoiding eye contact in a way he had picked up from Ryan. "The way you look at her, the way you look at that picture... You hold back with me. I see you with her. You don't hold back. I see you laugh and it's real. With me it's that half smile and that's it. You DO love her more."  
  
"No, I just ... I, yeah I do feel freer because it doesn't matter as much. I can mess things up with her and it won't be the end of the world, but with you? I can't. I can't take that risk and I can't be that free. *cough* It's not that I'm not happy with you, I just can't let it out like that." Looking over at Seth, who was now watching him, Ryan finished, "You matter more."  
  
Seth was up and moving towards Ryan before he even realized it. He pulled Ryan into a hug and began apologizing, his words so fast they tripped over each other. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't go saying stuff like that. I mean it's cool if you want her and I shouldn't be like all jealous and where the hell do I get off saying stuff like that. Of course you love her. I'm just here and, you know, we're not like, together and-"  
  
Ryan cut him off by pulling away enough to take Seth's face in his hands and force him to look him in the eye. Very slowly he repeated himself, "Seth, YOU ... matter ... more."  
  
Sliding one hand around to the back of the curly head he pulled Seth into a deep kiss. He'd tried to explain but again he'd somehow managed to say the wrong thing. He'd just have to try to explain it again later when Seth wasn't as upset. As Ryan thought about what he had said it occurred to him that, ironically, it was probably the first time in a very long time that he'd said something without worrying about it. He'd just said what he wanted to, what he meant, without second guessing and leaving things out. Ryan smiled despite the kiss and Seth felt it, pulling back reluctantly.  
  
"Oh, so you CAN give me that look after all," Seth said softly, noting the expression on Ryan's face.  
  
Ryan just shook his head and laughed softly before laying his head on Seth's shoulder.  
  
****************  
  
Lounging on chairs beside the pool, Ryan and Seth kicked back and relaxed. They had been sitting quietly for awhile, both busy thinking but their thoughts were hopeful and they certainly weren't brooding.  
  
Ryan broke the silence. "You know, I couldn't tell you before. I thought maybe you wouldn't be interested in me, you know, that way. I just didn't want to say the wrong thing and mess things up."  
  
"You know, Ryan, it's not like you'd have been kicked out on the streets just for flirting or whatever, even if I wasn't interested. I mean, you should have said something before."  
  
"You didn't say anything. You telling me you didn't think about it? About us, maybe hooking up?"  
  
"Of course I did. Been thinking about it since the first morning you wandered into the house."  
  
"So why didn't YOU say something before?"  
  
"Uh, hello ... Marissa? I just figured you weren't interested, especially in ... someone like me."  
  
"Someone like you? Seth, I've been thinking about you since we went out sailing that first day. *cough* I watched you pulling the ropes, changing the sails and you were so amazing. The sunlight reflecting off the water, the way he looked off into the ocean, the way you talked about Tahiti, I've never seen someone look so perfect, so focused, *sniff sniff* so sure of what they were doing and saying. I knew I wanted you then. You made me jealous of rope, Seth. I've never been jealous of rope before."  
  
"Hey, you made me jealous of a spoon. I mean come on, who's ever been jealous of a spoon?" Seth said.  
  
Ryan threw his head back and laughed at the wonderful absurdity of it. He'd just been saying whatever was on his mind since they went outside. He'd let himself tell Seth what he wanted to, even if it had sounded a little stupid and romantic. It was weird and free. It was and ropes and spoons and it still blew his mind that they were talking about being attracted to each other like it was a movie or a comic book, like it was as normal a thing to discuss as anything else.  
  
"Keep doing that and I'll never be jealous of Marissa or a spoon ever again," Seth said watching Ryan. If there was one thing he wanted more than Ryan to be his, it was to see him like this, so happy. Being the cause of it was perfect. "And just so you know, I'm NOT about to go rename my boat for you."  
  
"Fine by me," Ryan said knowing it was more than just a name they were talking about. Seth still wanted Summer and he still wanted Marissa. Maybe. If she wasn't with Luke, cause she certainly seemed to have a hard time making up her mind. 'Oh well, I can wait. Besides there are things I want more than her. Make that people, no person.' "Besides, Ryan's Breeze sounds like a fart," he added flippantly just to lighten things up a bit.  
  
"Dude, you did NOT just compare my fine vessel to flatulence," Seth said sounding totally indignant.  
  
"Yeah, I think I did. Come on, say it with me, Ryan's Breeze."  
  
They busted up laughing and for the moment they were two 16-year-old boys and things weren't so serious and deep. They weren't questioning themselves and redefining their relationship. They were just giggling over something stupid.  
  
"Hey, sounds like someone's having fun back here," Sandy said as he and Kirsten came around the side of the house.  
  
"Am I going to have to check the liquor cabinet?" Kirsten said in that way that Ryan could never tell if she was joking or implying something. "So, how did you boys make out this weekend?"  
  
Ryan and Seth looked at each other then just started laughing again without answering.  
  
************************************************************************ Thanks for all the kind reviews guys! There's only one little part left on this story. 


	8. epilogue

I own nothing and make no $.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
That night Ryan was lying in his bed in the pool house, staring at the ceiling. It was late and he should have been sleeping but he was instead lying awake trying to figure out how everything had changed so quickly. That was what he thought about a lot but usually it was more like, "How did I get here? How did I wind up in Newport with a new sort of family?" Tonight it was, "How did I go from silently wanting Seth and worrying about everything I said to just blurting out whatever I want and kissing him? And what now with Sandy and Kirsten back?"  
  
As if in answer to the silent questions he was asking, Seth came into the pool house.  
  
"Hey," he said softly. "You're still up?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well move over, I'm staying in here tonight."  
  
"Um, Seth, what about your parents?"  
  
Seth slid into bed, laying half on top of Ryan, resting his chin on the muscular chest. "Yeah, you know what they're doing up there right now? They're..." Seth searched for a term that wouldn't make him want to throw you when used to describe with his parents actions, "... gettin' busy."  
  
"Ew," Ryan said, making a face that Seth could just barely make out in the darkened room.  
  
"Yeah. Like they didn't get enough on their weekend trip. Like my room isn't on the other side of the wall. And hey, if that grosses you out then you must really be starting to think of them like your parents."  
  
Ryan could remember of too many times in too many cheap houses that he'd heard his mother and her boyfriend of the month "gettin' busy" as Seth called it. Plenty of times he left the house just to get away from it. He'd never had any place to go though so he'd usually ended up waiting on the porch half the night.  
  
"I guess I do kind of think of them that way," Ryan said.  
  
"They consider you their kid now, you know. And, just in case you're still worrying about it, they don't kick out offspring for saying something wrong every once in awhile."  
  
"I wasn't-"  
  
"Yeah, you were. Besides, what you said earlier, about not being free to say what you want, that you couldn't risk it, don't worry about it. If you say the wrong thing or-or do something wrong it's not like it's the end of the world, okay? I mean look, you started fights, and brought me home drunk from a party, and burned down a house and you're still here." Seth could feel Ryan stiffen under him (and not in the good way) when he listed off some of Ryan's less than parent-pleasing actions of late. He quickly continued, "Not that those things were you fault or anything. I'm just saying if they got over that then they'll get over anything. Alright?" When Ryan didn't answer he asked again, "Alright?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess."  
  
"Okay, so stop looking like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everything's fine, you're here to stay so just relax. And don't even TRY to tell me you weren't thinking about it."  
  
'Constantly,' Ryan thought. "Sometimes," he said.  
  
"Don't. Everything's cool, with them." More quietly, in an almost questioning tone he added, "With us."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. But, um, aren't they going *sniff* to wonder what you're doing sleeping down here?"  
  
"While they're up there doing THAT? Yuck, and no. Besides if they say one word about it tomorrow I'll tell them I heard them carrying on and that'll shut them down right quick. Actually, I might save that nasty piece of knowledge for future use."  
  
Ryan, finally convinced Seth was going to spend the night and he didn't have to worry about his guardians coming in or them being angry tomorrow, snuggled Seth close to him.  
  
"There is one thing though," Seth said. "If I'm going to be sleeping here sometimes then tomorrow you, me and Mom are going shopping for curtains."  
  
"You can't sleep through the light?" Ryan asked.  
  
"Oh, yeah that too. But um, I had other reasons," Seth said as he leaned close, brushing his lips over Ryan's. 'Yeah, curtains are definitely going to come in handy.'  
  
The End  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Okay, well that's it guys! Thanks so much for all the great reviews. I don't write OC stuff anymore. The show just seems to have lost that amazing Seth/Ryan chemistry. If it ever gets that back I might start writing them again. 


End file.
